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So I see the wizard today...also fondly known as the shrink. Mostly talked about breathing techniques, time management, and relaxation. She says no running at night...I either get it done in the morning or it's not going to happen...of course I overslept this morning so didn't get it done and really feel the need to do it now. ugh....He is still here. Wizzy says give him a deadline...a date...on a calendar and stick to my guns...without a goal date he will milk me dry and never leave. I did alot of errands today afterwards giving me some time to think and avoid personal interaction with others...was in hermit mode today...I am tired. Sleepy actually....supposedly going to increase dosage on Thursday....I will find out at 1000 hrs appt. I feel a bit more confident with sticking to my guns this time and not allowing him to control me to the point that I succumb to his neediness and allow this to be drawn out any longer...the thought of my independence is comforting to me. I can be me again.....so 1 May! ..that is the deadline.

I am back in Texas. I was home in NC visiting my family for Easter. The whole trip was like a roller coaster. Mostly on the down hills though. He was a total jerk most of the time. All I wanted was to run, relax and enjoy my family and friends. He criticized my driving to and from...he drove 2 hours of the 20 plus hour round trip. I am exhausted. I want him gone. He is doing nothing but sucking what little bit of life remains in me. I miss my home. This is just a house....with walls and a roof. It is not where my heart is anymore...it's at home....back in NC. I left it there for safe keeping. I can't allow him to destroy it anymore. It hurts to think about what I left back there....I am empty. I hurt. I am sorry.